Hello world! I’m in a rare overly-contemplative mood today and feel like it’s time for another post.
A lot has happened in these past few months and I have been busier than I’ve ever been in my life. Since January, I have been working on cosplay like never before. Although this was not my intention, I fell into a vicious cycle, beginning with Sakuracon. It was my first time attempting to make 2 difficult costumes while holding a full-time job and I nearly killed myself. In the couple weeks leading up to the con, I was sleeping 2-3 hours a night and completely abandoned any regular eating/work-out schedule I had set up for myself. However, I finished my costumes, the con was a success and we (once again) walked away with Best in Show. It was a lot of hard work but the worst was over and I looked forward to getting back on track.
However, at the end of April, Fanime announced they would be holding the WCS preliminaries. Although I had dreamed of competing for WCS one day, I was still so exhausted from Sakuracon that the concept of surviving another 4 weeks of sleepless nights seemed impossible. I took some time to consider the pros and cons of the decision and in the end, I chose to compete. Krystal (my designated partner from the beginning) and I both had our costumes done, we had an idea for our performance, and would be at the con anyway – I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try. Plus 1st-11th place received a monetary prize so I would walk away with SOMETHING for my hard work. By the time Fanime rolled around, I was more tired than ever before and it was beginning to show. Nearly all of the photos I have from Fanime are unusable because of how sallow and exhausted I looked. However, Krystal and I pushed through (with a couple of mental breakdowns along the way) and were eager to finally be a part of the experience.
Somehow, magically, we won.
This news was completely overwhelming because, while it meant I had achieved something I never thought possible, it also came with 3 inconceivable truths. First, I would have to spend another sleepless 6 weeks making the hardest costume I’ve ever attempted, which would normally take a year to make. Secondly, I would be forever separated from and criticized by the rest of the cosplay community, as is the fate of all WCS participants. Finally, I would have to reveal my weird hobby to my co-workers. This last part upset me quite a bit because cosplay is not an easy hobby to describe, let alone accept. When I returned to work after the convention, I chose my words carefully and ambiguously, leaving things up for interpretation. It was very hard for me to reveal my life as a cosplayer, not because I am ashamed, but because I’m desperately hoping to gain respect from my co-workers and I don’t want them to see me as anything but a hard-worker, let alone a freak.
At the end of July, I went to Japan for WCS. It was an experience I’ll never forget and I can write about it all day. (No seriously, I can – check my LiveJournal.) Now that I’m back, I’m not quite sure where to go from here. I feel like I’ve achieved my ultimate cosplay goal before I was ready/deserving. I’ve never won a “best of” craftsmanship award and now I’m going to be JUDGING craftsmanship. Everything seems out of order and I’m not sure where I fit anymore. Currently, the thought of making another costume makes me sick and I just feel really lost.
Also, after working on cosplay constantly for 7 months, I suddenly have a big gap of time to fill and I’m not sure what to do with it. Something I learned about myself is that I always, always, always need to be working towards a goal. Even if that goal is something as simple as cleaning the apartment, I need an outstanding objective to propel me forward. I think it might be part of the reason I’m so fixated on weight loss – it’s a never-ending target that keeps me on track and gives me something to do. Speaking of which, I’m having a hard time getting back into a workout routine. I know that the first couple weeks are always the worst and I’m kicking my own butt to get started again. I’m thinking about joining X-Sport gym but it’s a 10 minute walk from the apartment and, while that’s totally doable now, I doubt my motivation to do so in the winter. FFC is a lot nicer and only a 5 minute walk but it’s significantly more expensive. Maybe today I’ll head over to X-Sport and take advantage of their 7-Day free trial. I really want to try their group classes!
Now that I’m back, I’m also working on scheduling some doctor appointments, which I didn’t have time to do until now. I haven’t seen a doctor for a check-up in years but I figure I might as well take advantage of my insurance while I can. I also have a little bump on my right leg which is painless but I think is a cyst, in which case I’d like to get it removed. I also have an oral surgery appointment tomorrow and will finally find out what is going to be done about my wisdom teeth, which will ultimately affect how long I have to wait to get Invisalign.
Work-wise, things are going alright. My boss Jenny moved and is now working out of LA so Lauren and I have suddenly been taken over by Tina. Making the transition to Tina’s way of doing things has been hard for me, especially since Jenny and I were so similar in our work ethics. I am really introverted when I work and I like to think about how to solve problems myself before asking for help. Lauren on the other hand, rarely ever takes the time to think and asks questions 24/7. Unfortunately for me, Tina loves the “constant flow of communication” so suddenly I feel like I have to behave more like Lauren – which in my mind is SO backwards! On the other hand though, Tina is forcing me to concentrate on things like packaging and pricing which I’ve never worked with before. In the end, I know it will make me a more well-rounded worker, I just feel like I’m losing a little of my independence.
In regards to work, something I really want to work on this fall is finding more of my own “style” in my work clothes. I have a lot of clothes that are appropriate for work but a lot of the time I feel like I’m wearing clothes that belong to someone older or more sophisticated. I’m eager to spend some money on some clothes that make me feel more like myself. I also need to buy about 100 sweaters because it’s always really cold in here!
Also, I abandoned my 52 weeks project. I feel like I got off to a good start but once my life evolved into a sewing cycle, I lost my remaining passion for the project. I considered finishing it just to finish it (mostly because I HATE quitting anything) but I decided against it. I still love the idea of it and maybe I’ll continue one day but I feel like it’s lost some of the…innocence of my original project and it’s hard to regain inspiration.
That’s all for now, I guess. I need to figure out where to go from here but otherwise, I’m pretty content.
