I’ve been kind of depressed these past couple of days and I don’t know why. I’m not really happy with myself right now and for once it’s internal issues. I feel like I’m not impressing anyone at work and I’m just sort of sliding by, even though I’m really trying. I’m not making any serious mistakes but Tina will ask me the status of an issue and I won’t know the answer. It also seems like I have really bad luck and I get stuck with the very complicated programs. Lauren’s programs, in comparison, seem very black and white. I compare myself to Lauren because we hold the same position and at the very least, I need to be on the same level as her.
I feel like part of the problem is the way I appear to people. I feel like Lauren and Heidi are personable and open while I’m very guarded and introverted. Especially at work, I like to seem like I know what I’m doing so I don’t often show any vulnerability but at the same time, I think that makes me unlikable. Mark, an employee in Miami, is not very good at his job but Tina once mentioned that the reason he’s so valuable is because he is so friendly and knows everyone. I feel like I’m scatterbrained AND unfriendly so I’m not good at either aspect of my job.
I just feel like an awful person right now. I need to start opening up to people but I’m scared…
