I’ve got a lot on my mind so it’s time for another rare life update.
I moved into my new apartment last week. Since making the decision to move out of Al’s place, I have had mixed feelings about it, though in general I have been feeling hopeful and excited. Mostly, I longed for my own place for the sake of my sanity. I have had a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head and I desperately needed a quiet, comfortable place of my own to sort out my “problems”.
As a result of moving out, I’m not sure what will come of my relationship with Al. I have expressed my concerns that my move is going to drastically change the dynamics of our relationship. He doesn’t seem the least bit worried though and is convinced that the separation will make us more independent and more of “adults”. However, that notion is so BACKWARDS to me. Moving IN together is a milestone to make as an adult, not vice versa. Instead of moving forward towards togetherness, we’re moving apart. This whole situation feels like a long-winded, deliberate breakup. If I’m completely honest, I feel like that is the next step.
And yet, knowing all this – I purposely initiated the separation.
My feelings about my relationship with Al have flip-flopped between 2 extremes since the day we got together. I have lived 2 years of my life thinking “this person is not right for me” and “this person is fantastic”. At this point in our relationship, I need to see how I really feel when I’m left to my own devices. Will I miss him when he’s gone? Will I want to call him more often? If I don’t care enough to hang out with him when he’s living 5 miles away, there’s no point in staying together when he’s away in Japan.
The other part of me hopes that I’m wrong and that I WILL miss him and will do everything to hang out with him as much as possible.
I have my private predictions but I suppose only time will tell.
Also, because I need to get these written down, here are some of my resolutions for 2011:
- Work out 120 times. Apparently in 2010 I said I would work out 110 times but I quickly forgot I ever mentioned it. Why 120 times? That basically equates to 2-3 days a week (which is a fair change) and the numeric goal keeps me motivated.
- Stop saying “like” so much.
- Challenge myself with at least one costume.
- MAKE MYSELF HAPPY AND DON’T DEPEND ON ANYONE ELSE!!!
